Sincerely Me
by BrooklynHiggans63
Summary: Misaki Sanae receives a letter from her future self that tells her a boy named Kakeru Naruse is the key to her happiness. She wants to change her fate. How can she save someone's life if she can't even save herself?


Disclaimer: I do not own Orange. This amazing series rightfully belongs to Ichigo Takano !

Sanae wakes up from the strangest dream. She couldn't remember what it was about, only that it made her feel heavy and drained, as if it used up all her energy and she couldn't get out of bed. She, unfortunately , had to because it is the first week of school.

She reluctantly forces herself to get up, make her bed, and grab her school uniform. Sanae had to mentally pat herself in the back as she never has the strength in the morning to take care of herself properly. Most days she'd rather just stay in bed and sleep all day of she could. She never does in fear of people labeling her as a delinquent who didn't care about good grades when she actually did.

"Morning, Sanae," her mother greets as she approaches the kitchen. The smell of miso soup and fried eggs fill her nose, a comforting smell that she's so used to in the morning.

"Morning," Sanae manages to muster up a tired smile.

"A package came for you in the mail today," her mother continues as she chops up some vegetables for the soup. "Did you order anything online?"

"No, I didn't," she says, completely befuddled. "I'll have to take a look at it later!"

"From a penpal then?"

"Not that I know of," Sanae replies softly. She's never written any letters to anyone before. Not unless emails to teachers count. Her mother "hmms" in response and goes back to her daily chores without sparing her a glance. It stings but she's used to it by now.

Sanae sneaks a glance over at the package on the dinner table. It's a plain brown box with her address and name written in it. Sanae runs a pair of scissors through the box and when she opens it, she finds stacks of letters and a bag of strawberry Hi-Chews that are all too tempting to dig through. She hasn't had those in a while. Maybe she'll try some after school.

To Miss Misaki Sanae

She turns the letter over in her hands. Odd. There's no name from the sender. She has no idea who sent that package to her. And she won't have enough time to read it since she's running late.

Plus, she just really wants to get out of that house.

"I'm off!" she calls to her mother and shuts the door behind her without waiting for a response.

It's a cloudy day. Not ominous enough to be rain clouds and there's still hints of the sky peaking through. Once in a while the sky will get slightly darker as a cloud rolls by. She's thankful that she doesn't live in the city. She wouldn't be able to breathe in the fresh air every morning.

"Good morning, Misaki-San!" a timid voice shouts at her from somewhere nearby.

"Oh, good morning, Takamiya -san," she greets back politely. She tries so hard not to let her surprise show as she'd never spoken to the girl before in her life. She didn't even know that the quiet girl lived in the same street as her.

"Would you like to walk to school together?" Takamiya asks breathlessly.

Sanae glances over the girl hesitantly. There isn't much she knew about Takamiya other than the fact that she had a large group of friends, and was considered popular. She and Takamiya were in the same class but hardly interacted with each other. And , what's even more sad is that she and Takamiya were in at least three classes together.

"O-oh, sure, of -- of course we can!" Misaki agrees caving into the girl's hopeful expression. "What's the rush, Takamiya-San?"

"We're almost late for school!" Takamiya admits.

"Is that all?"

"Don't act so calm calm about that, Misaki-san!" She protests.

Misaki laughs at her scandalized expression.

"Th -- thank you for walking with me, Misaki - san!"

"It's no trouble at all, Takamiya - san," she admits. It's nice having someone to walk with for a change. She's usually by herself in her own little bubble.

"I can't believe that we haven't talked until now!" Takamiya says. She gives her an apologetic look. "You're in my science class aren't you?"

We also have the same PE period, as well as math and English, she wants to remind her, but she never does. Instead she keeps a polite smile on her face.

"I'll see you later in science!" Naho waves.

Sadly, the rest of her day is uneventful. She's spent most of her time glancing up at the clock, waiting impatiently for school to be over. Homework, study, go to bed, wake up the next morning only to do the same routine all over again... a routine she's stuck under probably for the rest of her life.

Then came the last class of the day... science.

Sanae hesitates to go in first. She watches carefully as Takamiya enters the classroom and is greeted by her loud friends. They usually sit in the back and always cause some kind of commotion before class starts. That's how it always been since first year.

Her eyes wander over to the boy with red hair. Suwa Hiroto. He's always smiling and laughing and girls are always confessing to him. This is the only class she had the chance to admire him from afar. She never got the courage to go up and talk to him. And, she rather it stay that way. She didn't want another middle school experience. Just as soon as she feels she's been caught staring at him or his eyes start to wander across the room when class starts, she turns her head away.

That was close. Her heart beats fast as she places her supplies (embarrassingly enough, she had a lot of Little Twin Stars and Rilakuma pens and pencils that she collected over the years) on her desk.

"Hello, class, we have a new student joining us today!" sensei says. A few people perk up, specifically the girls, but most of the class is hardly paying attention as a tall boy with messy, black hair and brown eyes steps in the classroom. "This is Naruse Kakeru -kun!"

She watches with interest as the boy musters up a tired smile for the class. She knows that smile. It's the same one she wore everyday, especially to people who ask if she's okay. And if people asked, she'd always come up with an "I'm fine" in response. And if people asked why she looked so tired, she'd say it was because she had too much homework.

The only open seat is next to Takamiya. And that's exactly where he sits. Takamiya is stiff and staring at him in shocked disbelief. Weird. Has she met him before?

She's oddly disappointed. It's a shame. Another lost opportunity to make a friend.

The bell rings and everyone immidiately packs their things to head home.

"Naho!" she hears Suwa bellow. "Let's walk home together!"

"Alright, Suwa," Takamiya replies with a breathy chuckle.

Her heart sinks. Right. She almost forgot that Takamiya and Suwa were both best friends. That's just her luck really. She sighs heavily and gathers her things up and gets ready to leave the classroom.

"Wait, you're Misaki Sanae, right?"

She whirls around, completely bewildered as Suwa Hiroto comes rushing up to her with a bright smile on his face. Her heart pounds wildly as he approaches, out of breath. Is she dreaming this? Had she accidentally stumbled across a different dimension or a parallel universe? Because there is no way that her crush is actually talking to her and actually acknowledging her presence. Her cheeks warm are she racks her brain for an intelligent answer.

In terms of popularity, Suwa takes the cake. He has no reason to go out of his way and talk to her. Wait, he's friends with Takamiya, isn't he? Takamiya was acting odd to her as well. What if she's been pranked?! They wouldn't go so far as to prank her, would they?! Sanae has a reputation for being quiet and it's gotten her into trouble more times than she liked. Wait, she panics, he's still waiting for an answer!

"Y-yes, I am!" she exclaims, startling both her and the boy in front of her.

Way to go, Sanae, she berates herself. Such brilliance you've achieved over the years.

"Do you want to walk home together?" he asks. Suwa seems to realize what he asked because he turns a brilliant shade of red and tries to defend himself, "I meant that my friends and I are all going to walk home together and grab a quick snack. You go the same way as Naho, right?"

Yes! Her inner self squeals with delight. Of course she wanted to go with him and Takamiya. But, she still had not read that letter from this morning. And she does not want to impose in an already big group of friends. The thought of it terrifies her. She'd be the odd one out.

"Ah, no, I'm sorry but I can't go," she sends him an apologetic look at his defeated expression. "I have some important paperwork to go through at home."

Not completely a lie, and not exactly the truth. She still did not trust him or Takamiya, although the two seem nice enough . Not only that, there was a bag of candy waiting for her at home.

He's completely taken aback. Suwa's staring at her intensely as if he were trying to figure her out. She wanders if he's gotten so used to girls confessing to him and wanting to hang out with him that this is a complete change for him. Is it bad that she's oddly proud of herself for catching him off guard?

"Ah, it's alright!" he's sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. A nervous habit? "No worries, Misaki - San!"

"Maybe tomorrow?" she asks hopefully.

"I'm sure the others wouldn't mind!" He grins at her. "See ya around, yeah?"

He gives her an awkward salute and rushes off to catch to the others who are waiting for him at the gate. It's the new kid, what was his name again, who meets her eye first. She nods, giving him a tired smile, hoping that's enough for him to realize that she knows what he's going through. And with that look of surprise on his face, she wonders if it has reached him.

Surprisingly, it's Takamiya who waves at her. She waves back politely. Maybe... there is still hope for her after all.

Hope.

It's been awhile since she's felt anything like that.

The hilltop hasn't changed a bit last time she came here. Not since she was sixteen. She smiles with content as a breeze ruffles through her short hair. She stops at the hilltop to see the view of the city every now and then and it never manages to fail to surprise her. She always loved watching the sunsets.

"Misaki!"

She stops in her tracks, immidiately recognizing the voice. Suwa. No way. She whirls around. Sure enough, she'd recognize his bright red hair from a mile away. His hair always did stand out in high school. He was the only boy in school with that hair color.

"Suwa-kun?!" she asks with surprise.

"Hey!" he grins. His entire face lights up with his grin. "I haven't seen you in years! You still look the same as you did in high school!"

"Really?" she raises a skeptic eyebrow.

"Well, except for the hair, it's shorter now," he laughs sheepishly.

She involuntarily reaches up to touch her hair. So he had noticed.

"What brings you here, Suwa-kun?" it came out harshly than she intended. His smile falters a bit. And the frown looks all too wrong on his face. He always smiles. Always laughs. Ten years has changed him a lot.

"How's your hand?" he asks hesitantly. The way Suwa is glaring at her brace, he's acting like it's the bane of his existence.

"Healing, " she does not say anything else about it so he wouldn't be too hard on himself. "How... how are you... and Naho?"

"Healing."

She does not need to ask why they're healing. It's been a tough ten years for all of them.

"I still feel terrible about it," he says softly.

She glances at him with surprise, "Why?"

"You could have been an art teacher!" he exclaims. "You could've finished that drawing..."

She starts at that, taken aback by his raised voice and anger. He still remembers. Because of the accident... She couldn't give her drawing to Kakeru in time for his birthday.

"It's no big deal Suwa-Kun!" she reassures him. "Honestly, there's no way you could have known about it!"

"Still can't call me 'Hiroto', huh?" he sounds surprisingly bitter about that.

He lost that right when he married Naho. Still, that's her own fault. She never told anyone about her feelings for Suwa. She kept that to herself.

"For the same reasons you can't call me' Sanae'," she retaliates, throwing his own words from ten years ago back at him.

He lowers his head in shame. She hopes her harshness is enough to drive him away. But, he's still there, watching her carefully. It's unnerving.

"A lot of us are going to visit... Kakeru's house," he hesitates saying his best friend's name even after all these years. "You should come along, I'm certain he'd appreciate the visit."

She really shouldn't. If she came, she wouldn't be able to hold herself back punching Naho. And she regrets what she and Naho have become. They used to be so close.

"I'll pass," she says, turning around so she wouldn't have to face him.

"Alright," he sighs in defeat. "I won't force you... but if you change your mind... you know where to go. I hope I see you around again, Misaki."

She doesn't turn around to see him go, but she can hear his footsteps crunching in the grass, getting lighter and lighter as he walked away.

And she thought about all the things she regretted as a teenager. She thought about the things she could have done differently. Not meeting up with the others could add to the list of things she regrets. He's right.

"Wait! Suwa-kun!" she shouts, gaining his attention. He turns in her direction with surprise. She rushes towards him, panting heavily, ignoring the stabbing pain in her right shoulder.

"Take it easy, Misaki," he says, his voice filled with concern as he glances at her shoulder. "What's the matter?"

"I'll come with you!" she dismisses his worry with a smile.

"You won't regret it, I promise!" he returns the smile with a big one of his own.

Sanae hesitantly continues to walk beside him, ignoring the way her heart beats frantically with Suwa standing so close that their shoulders are brushing. She has to remind herself that Suwa's married now and slowly backs away from him. She already regrets so many things in her life...

What's one more going to cost her?

Author's Note :

So, admittedly, I'm a little confused about Suwa's name. Is his first name Hiroto or Suwa? I have no idea why his name is throwing me off.

Thank you for taking your time to read!


End file.
